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Tiaras and Trucks

Friday, August 19, 2011

Decisions Over Coffee

pssst...if you haven't heard, The Red Dress Club is now Write on Edge

the prompt:
You must begin your story with the words “We had to leave immediately” and end it with “And then we realized we were already home.”
The middle part is up to you.
If you are not writing in the first-person, then feel free to change the “we” to “they.” You may choose to write fiction or non-fiction. 

This is part of Greta's Story, happening many months after Regaining Her Footing, but I don't think you need to be familiar with the background to read this piece.

“They had to leave immediately,” the real estate agent explained, almost apologetically, sensible heels clicking on the ceramic tile of the seventh property they had visited that afternoon.
She paused, shifting her weight to one long leg, surveying the living room briefly before consulting the notes in her hand.
“Obviously you wouldn’t need to take the furniture upon possession.  The owners are willing to move it into storage.”
Greta felt an uncomfortable giggle begin to rise and took a deep breath, trying to keep it contained. 
The thought of throwing her tailored trench coat across the back of the gaudy flowered couch dominating the living room caused a thin trickle of sweat to bead up on her spine.  It looked as though it hadn’t been moved or cleaned since sometime in the sixties, which was impossible, since the condo itself was only six years old.
Though they walked through the rest of the rooms, later Greta could only remember the sagging couch and the warm comfort of Drew’s hand in hers.
When the agent climbed into her shiny black sedan, Greta finally sighed and relaxed her fingers.  Drew shook his hand in an exaggerated motion, grinning until she smiled back.
“I forgot how tough you are,” he teased, taking back her hand, this time lacing his fingers lightly through hers, slim currents of electricity still surprising her even after countless moments like this.
“Coffee?” he asked, tracing the edge of her thumb with his.
The brief tilt of her head was unnecessary; they were already walking towards the café that had become their conversation haven.  Greta cradled her head in her hands at a corner table, the faults of each of the properties she had seen over the last few weeks dancing through her head.
Drew placed a steaming mug in front of her, the way her hands encircled the ceramic etched in his mind, as familiar now as her coffee order and the way she cried with every change in her mood.
Silence curled around them, caressing the spaces that separated their bodies, comfortable, warm, and full of promises yet unspoken.  Sensing she had collected her thoughts, he raised his eyebrows, inviting her words.
“Well, maybe if I could take the couch from the last place and move it to the third place, you know the one facing the dumpster?”
“Great décor and location,” he nodded, pleased to see her smile climb into her eyes.  He had begun to worry that house hunting would bring back the Greta they had both worked so hard to extradite, the Greta who would have given up after a dozen less-than-stellar prospects.
“I’m just ready to be done with my old place,” she sighed, sipping coffee, sweetened slightly with vanilla and Drew’s perfect ratio of cream and sugar.  “It doesn’t feel like my house anymore.”
Discontent with her apartment had crept in gradually.  Hot pink towels and a gorgeous white parsons desk had helped her erase every trace of James from the walls, but somehow he slowly crept back in the door each time she invited Drew home.
“You’ll find something,” he said calmly, his eyes wandering over her head, down the street, as he reached for her.
Resting against his chest, she smelled his aftershave mingling with the scent of her shampoo.  The steady whoosh of his heartbeat was loud next to her ear as her own eyes glanced in the direction of his house.
Tilting her head up, their eyes locked, and they realized they were staring in the same direction.
And then they realized they were already home.

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20 Comments:

  • At August 19, 2011 at 6:10 PM , Anonymous jentos23 said...

    Angela, this is wonderful. I really love the Greta story. So,is this a book you're working on? Or a short story? I really love it, whatever it is...just being nosy ;)

     
  • At August 19, 2011 at 6:44 PM , Anonymous Renee said...

    I had to go back and reread some and catch up on the story.
    Good work, looking forward to more.

     
  • At August 19, 2011 at 8:01 PM , Anonymous Dana K said...

    This is really good!  I want to know if this series is going to be a book/short story, too!

     
  • At August 19, 2011 at 10:47 PM , Anonymous My Pajama Days said...

    I thought this line was incredibly intimate, "Resting against his chest, she smelled his aftershave mingling with the scent of her shampoo." The characters were very well rounded and easy to relate. This piece stood on its own.

     
  • At August 19, 2011 at 11:15 PM , Anonymous Karen @ Time Crafted said...

    I like this next chapter, this small moment, in Greta's tale. Really love:  'tailored trenchcoat', 'gaudy flowered couch dominating the living room', 'her smile climb into her eyes'.  Hope we'll be reading more about her! :>

     
  • At August 19, 2011 at 11:29 PM , Anonymous dosweatthesmallstuff said...

    You really have a way with words... I was buoyed by them as I pictured Greta and Drew sitting on the cafe, just looking at each other in that intimate way that couples in love do.  I especially liked how you weave the details, like "... tracing the edge of her thumb with his."  That in itself spoke a thousand words.  Beautiful!

     
  • At August 20, 2011 at 9:24 PM , Anonymous TLanceB said...

    Im regretting not doing this prompt. You guys are nailing it.

    I like the dialogue and Greta. I like how you turned the whole thing towards the "home" motif. Good job.

     
  • At August 21, 2011 at 8:52 AM , Anonymous Kir said...

    YOu big liar, you said it was just "ok" and it'sbrilliant, it was so good, so descriptive, yo nailed this transition from them being who they are, to tis couple. I loved this, Every little nuance was perfect. wow, wow, wow. :)
    I'll be standing in line at the signing. :)

     
  • At August 21, 2011 at 9:10 PM , Anonymous Nicole Morgan said...

    Love reading a piece like this, wanting to know what happens next ;)

     
  • At August 22, 2011 at 10:28 AM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Thank you!  I'm not exactly sure what happens next.  I am not very organized with this whole continuing storyline thing :(

     
  • At August 22, 2011 at 10:29 AM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Oh Kir!  You are too sweet.  I took such a jump in their timeline; I feel like it's cheating a little.

     
  • At August 22, 2011 at 10:29 AM , Anonymous Angela said...

    THANK you for the comment about the dialogue.  I sweat just thinking about writing dialogue.  So thank you :)

     
  • At August 22, 2011 at 10:30 AM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Thank you so much :)  I'm glad you could "see" it; that makes me feel like I can chalk up a +1 in the success column :)

     
  • At August 22, 2011 at 10:30 AM , Anonymous Angela said...

    I didn't know for a while, but I have a feeling I'm following her until the end, whenever that may be.  I'm pretty invested now!

     
  • At August 22, 2011 at 10:31 AM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Thanks!  Don't we all love that moment of just kind of falling into someone?

     
  • At August 22, 2011 at 10:32 AM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Thanks so much :)  I'm going to piece it together one day, fill in the blanks, and see where it takes me!

     
  • At August 22, 2011 at 10:34 AM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Thank you.  It really takes a bit of a jump from the last section to this one.  I'll need to fill that in...

     
  • At August 22, 2011 at 10:35 AM , Anonymous Angela said...

    I don't know yet :)  I'll have to see if I think there's enough there for an entire book.  And it's not nosy at all!  I'm flattered you would ask.

     
  • At August 22, 2011 at 1:34 PM , Anonymous CDG said...

    I like the way you got from A to B here, starting with the real estate agent's somewhat apologetic explanation was a fresh take on the opening line.

    The feeling of having grown apart from your space, having grown into the idea of someone--not someplace--being home is a wonderful thing.

    Great detail work in this piece.

     
  • At August 23, 2011 at 11:48 AM , Anonymous Kir said...

     I cheat all the time, do you think LESS of me for that, I go waaaaayyy back, then way forward, then back...I know it doesn't make the readers HAPPY but I also have to write to the prmopt and doing that isn't such a bad thing,You can flesh out her story this way, try things etc. I thought it was so good.

     

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