My Preschooler

For months, crisp paper and smooth boxes of crayons have been flowing out of stores and into backpacks seemingly too large for little shoulders.

For the first time, I shopped for supplies with a list I hadn't created, grabbing glue sticks and thin palettes of watercolors without knowing the projects for which they would be used.

We tried on backpacks and shoes with velcro that could withstand both a playground and Abbey's staunch opinions.

Impossibly bright blue eyes sparkled at the smallest mention of school.

Older, brown eyes filled with tears at odd moments, unsure whether our discussions about school were preparing her or me for this change in our lives.

She awoke in the morning, surprisingly cooperative, eager to leave the house without stalling or hesitation.

My fingers shook as I fastened her beloved kitty necklace around her neck, gently lifting her hair through the thin chain.  Smiling, I kissed the cat charm, telling her my kiss would be with her all day.

All four of us went to her classroom, carefully hanging her bag on a hook, placing her new water bottle into her plastic cubby.  Bravely, she donned a name tag and quietly said hello, giddy excitement replaced by reserved anticipation.

Deliberately, I pushed aside my own concerns, my own uncertainty and focused on this first little step into a new world, just waiting to be discovered.  

She will be amazing, my magical, lovely girl.

two kids

too early

too bright of a flash

she's got the senior picture pose down already

my girl and me

with Daddy

Dylan cared more about the rocks than the camera

flashback to my first day of school

On Your First Day of School

My sweet Abbey,

Tonight, you hugged me goodnight tightly, with a smile, thrilled to be starting school “the day after this day.”

A pink plaid dress and silver shoes wait for you, to be forever immortalized in the first of your first day of school photos.

Your little backpack and water bottle are ready to be hung with care next to ten other little backpacks, worn by other boys and girls beginning this journey with you.

And I am fighting back tears.

My mind and my heart are in an epic battle as you snuggle safely into your pillow above my head.

Your footsteps tomorrow will be the first of many through your school years, steps that take you away from home and into a world filled with endless possibilities, opportunities of which you haven’t even dreamed.

Your future dazzles me.  Your observant nature, your imagination, your determination are all gifts you have only begun to unwrap.

Yet I worry that I haven’t prepared you for tomorrow.  I worry that my best efforts weren’t enough.

Will your teacher understand your hesitation isn’t indifference or defiance but discomfort with the unknown?

Will she draw you into participating when you float back a few steps, unsure how to join a game with new friends?

When you feel nervous about talking to someone new, will you reach for my hand and look around, worried, when you touch only air instead of my reassuring grip?

Will you discover a kindred spirit, someone who can draw out your silly giggle and dance of excitement?

I wish I could mold my love for you into something tangible, something to tuck inside your pocket, something to guard you against hurt or disappointment.

I hope my millions of hugs have imprinted my arms into your skin, so that you always feel my embrace, should you need it when I’m not there.

You are my tough and brilliant girl, and tomorrow is just a glimmer, a spark, in the light of your future.

I am so proud of you already.

Always & forever,

Mommy 

playing dress up at Madison's birthday party this weekend

a preview of the plaid dress

flapper dress, headband, hfaux gloves, and silver slippers will not be included

Shopping for School, Crocs Style

Thank you to Crocs for sponsoring this blog post. Please click here to learn more about Crocs’ new Back to School line. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.

For all of her bubbling giggles and spontaneous bear hugs, Abbey likes to keep me on my toes.

This spring, she asked to leave a shoe store in tears, because: “I don’t think I can wear these!”  Two stores later, we found a pair she loved, and all was right with the world.

This summer, we needed easy, comfortable shoes that could splash in puddles, run through the zoo, play on the beach and wade in the lake.  We went to the Crocs store. 

Almost an hour later, tears fell again, because she didn’t want to stop trying on shoes!  Thankfully, a few carefully doled out snacks and a new straw sippy cup kept Dylan relatively calm and contained in his stroller.

We’ve been talking about backpacks and new clothes and school supplies lately, due to the pile of tear-stained preschool paperwork reminding us that the first day of school is looming on the horizon.

Carefully knitted sweaters, indigo denim, layered leggings and dresses are calling, and it's time to answer that cal.

An almost four-year old concerned with what she wears and a mommy concerned with functionality and ease of washing, due to crafts and daily playground escapades, could collide for a tantrum-inducing mall visit. 
After the Spring Shoe Fiasco of 2011, I plan on making the Crocs store the first stop on our list.

You may be picturing the basic Crocs clog and thinking it won’t work with playgrounds filled with wood chips and school dress codes, but the Back-to-School line has 13 different styles for boys and girls from approximately kindergarten through eighth grade, styles that combine the beloved comfort of Crocs with school-approved closed toes and closed backs.

Check them out for yourself.  Click on the shoes for more information, including sizes and colors (I’ll wait here; it’s ok!)

shhh...here's a hint for the hidden easter egg in the video

You never know what will strike Abbey’s fancy, but I have a feeling she’ll be drawn to the sparkles of these…

Hover Metallic Sneaker

To help combat the frustration of not quite knowing how to tie her little shoes, I might steer her in the direction of these…

Genna

I know she’d love to customize them with a few Jibbitz (though we might have to transfer her glow-in-the-dark Tinkerbell one from her summer pair.)

If you want to shop from the comfort of your couch, check out the Back-to-School section of their website.  While you’re there, be sure to enter to win a family vacation to San Diego!  Those of us in snowy climates will be dying for some of that San Diego sunshine in a few months.

Now if only Crocs made “pink princess backpacks” (an official statement from Abbey about her desired school bag), we’d be ready to begin her academic career. 

After one or two or fifty-seven more hugs from my girl.

he's going to miss her

The Other Side of the Door

Summer winds down and school looms on the horizon, sharpened pencils waiting to etch names onto crisp paper, colorful Flair pens doodling in the margins, backpacks overwhelming small frames.  The first day of school holds the promise of a fresh start, anticipation and excitement hanging in the air, hiding behind shy smiles and jokes between friends.

I’ve faced the first day of school as a student, moving from decorated cardboard supply boxes and kitten adorned Trapper Keepers to overpriced college textbooks and reams and reams of lined paper soon to be covered in notes and doodles and office hours.

As a teacher, I started a few weeks before the students, carefully choosing fabric for my bulletin boards, buying supplies in bulk, rearranging my classroom too many times in anticipation of group work and testing and access to different areas in the room.

This year, the first day of school looms, and I’m wavering between excitement and denial from moment to moment.

This year is the first year I am facing back to school as a mother.

Abbey is going to preschool.

She is beyond thrilled to be starting school next month.  A small smile spreads into a grin on her little face when she talks about it.  Lately, she wants to play teacher and student, a game that works out better when she doesn’t try to include Dylan as a student.

I am thrilled for her.  She loves stories and writing and playing games and dress-up and pretend.  I watch her attempting to write letters and carefully counting, and I can picture her in a classroom, sitting at an impossibly small chair, a pencil clutched in her hand.

My mental picture expands, seeing the other children in her class, and I feel my stomach tighten with worry.

Slow to warm up to new people and new situations, will her new classmates be kind?  What if they mistake her hesitation for disinterest?  Will her teacher understand that she grows quiet and retreats to the periphery out of shyness and not defiance?  When her voice drops to a whisper, will someone lean in to hear her, encouraging her lovely voice to speak more confidently?

Helping her make this transition is part of my job; I know I need to happily urge her forward into this new phase.

Yet as the summer days drift closer to fall, I find myself reaching for her hand more than necessary, catching her eye to bestow an extra smile, reminding her of how much I love her, hugging her eleventy-billion times each day. 

I yearn to envelop her with all of my love, to make that love tangible to tuck away in a pocket of her backpack, comforting her throughout the day.

I have been a student.  I have been a teacher.

This year, I am a mother, and for the first time, I will be on the other side of the classroom door when the bell signals the beginning of class.

But I will be waiting for her at the end of the day, my arms and heart ready to welcome her home.

going to dance with her little backpack

she's going to look so funny with a regular backpack!

today I'm pouring my heart out about Abbey starting school

come back tomorrow when I talk about a part of back to school that ALWAYS gets me excited...the shopping!

Stress? What Stress?

I've written about the whole preschool decision stressing me out, and people have both empathized with and good-naturedly mocked me about it, so I'll save you anymore of my back-and-forth thought processes about it.  We'll make the decision soon, and I know one person who will be thrilled with whatever decision we make.

Abbey really wants to go to school.  She consistently puts on her Hello Kitty backpack (ignore the fact that it fits less than the average wristlet) and pretends to "go to school".

Unfortunately, her version of school includes riding a big, yellow bus, despite my best attempts to explain that Mommy will drive her to school next year.  She even knows where she wants to sit (the VERY back seat) and who will drive the bus (Dylan.) 

I guess I need to make sure that whichever school we choose has a liberal view on imaginative play, because we're obviously into our own little world around here!

all dressed up for school

sunglasses and no tights

she must think we're moving somewhere with a humane climate

Choices and Stress

Once upon a time, I imagine that starting your child in preschool involved picking out a cute dress, buying a little tote bag, and hoping that the tears held off until you got back to the car.  Now, preschool is a serious business. 

I'd like to think I'm a (fairly) rational person, but dangle that preschool carrot in front of my face, and I suddenly lose all sense of reality and feel like one of the more clueless cast members of the Jersey Shore.

There are co-ops and public schools and secular private schools and religious private schools and Montessori schools and language immersion schools.  There are two-day programs and three-day programs and choose-your-amount-of-day programs.  Half days and full days and probably some crazy boarding school somewhere on the East coast that will guarantee a Rhodes scholar for the small price of a healthy kidney and part of my liver.  Of course they range from the affordable to the expensive to the "oh geez, can Bill Gates sponser my child's education?" 

I'm sure this decision isn't made any easier by all of the thinking I did in grad school about "what is education?" and the philosophy classes that encouraged us to debate the merits of John Dewey and Maria Montessori.  My student teaching and teaching jobs have exposed me to such a wide variety of schools, and all of it is making this more stressful than I ever expected.

During my moments of clarity, I realize that with all of those great options, we'll find a good fit, and that there's not one right or wrong choice.  I'm not going to lie, though, I didn't really expect to be the type of person stressing out about where my child would spend her mornings (or afternoons) learning to cut and paste and sing songs, and I know I need to get a grip before any other decisions come along. 

Like what she'll wear the first day of school.

pre-preschool at home

we encourage literacy at every opportunity

focus on the book

ignore the Resevoir Dogs DVD in the background 

for a while, Dylan didn't care too much about books one way or the other

well, except he liked to chew on them 

lately, though, he loves reading

Sandra Boynton books are a particular favorite

also Clifford

sometimes he even reads them himself

not always upside down, either!