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Tiaras and Trucks

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Why My Kids Can Never Watch Scary Movies

One, two, Freddy’s coming for you

I curled my knees into my chest, not wanting my feet hanging near the bottom of the couch where a hand could sneak out to grab my sock-clad ankle. My hands crept to my face, covering my eyes as the music turned sinister, foretelling doom for some poor, expendable character that would never live to see any of the formulaic sequels.

Three, four, better lock your door

Unable to watch, yet unable to look away, I peeked out from a small opening between my index and middle fingers, Freddy Krueger would unfurl that blade-adorned glove near his disfigured face and dispose of yet another teenager silly enough to think his or her dreams were a safe place to hide. His victims were forgettable, their faces blending together in my memories; the thrill was in those moments of anticipatory horror, waiting for the inevitable entrance of the serial killer.

Five, six, grab your crucifix

Conservative about what Donnie and I watched, my parents kept Freddy and Jason and other similar R-rated movies from us far longer than many of my friends. Finally able to watch them, I was alternately enthralled and terrified, recognizing the campiness and bad acting but unable to stop that reflexive jump in my seat.

Seven, eight, better stay up late

Now? I can’t watch them, or other horror movies, without an uneasy knot in my stomach. Knowing about the real horrors that lurk around the corners of our lives, the horrors that don’t need to be dramatically intensified by swelling music, I just can’t spend my time watching a blood and gore fest. Any appeal they once had is gone; I cringe and tears fall at the thought of people enjoying slasher films, eighties versions or the current ones.

Nine, ten, never sleep again

Still, the haunting voices singing the Nightmare on Elm Street version of "One, Two, Buckle My Shoe" are forever seared in my consciousness. Reading nursery rhymes, I find them creeping into my head, and I have to stop myself from changing the words on the page.  I stop myself, though, and simply hope that the scariest movies my kids see until they go to college are Disney films.  Have you seen the Evil Queen in Snow White? 

Go ahead and call me a wimp; I understand!  This post is in response to a RemembeRED prompt about something we recall word-for-word from our childhoods.  To demonstrate how pervasisve this memory is, you should know that I had no intention of writing about it when I sat down.  I was thinking of a little song I learned at my best friend's Sunday school about the Titanic.  And this is what came out instead.  Yikes!

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35 Comments:

  • At June 7, 2011 at 8:08 AM , Anonymous Galit Breen said...

    Amen sista, me neither. At all.

    Love the lines woven through the memory and the way you brought it back to today.

    And yes, you're 100% right. That evil witch? The worst. XO

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 8:11 AM , Anonymous J. Bruno said...

    I totally agree with you!!!  My parents made me wait much longer than other kids too.  I wonder if that's why we are such chickens.  Maybe if we'd seen it when we were 5, it would have been no big deal???  Nah.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 8:17 AM , Anonymous Mama Wants This said...

    Oh crap, you've got me 'singing' that song in my head now. :)

    I've got a knot in my stomach just reading this - so you've done an excellent job weaving this memory!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 12:16 PM , Anonymous Liz said...

    I still am too much of a wuss to watch those movies as an adult, so I give you oodles of credit for that! Seriously, I would spend nearly all the time of the movie with my hands over my eyes, so what's the point of watching! :)

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 12:20 PM , Anonymous Jennifer said...

    This truly made me smile, I will watch nearly any Sci-Fi, any Action film but horror movies, no. This line is exactly why, "I was alternately enthralled and terrified, recognizing the campiness
    and bad acting but unable to stop that reflexive jump in my seat." I feel silly jumping, but I can't help it.

    I liked most the idea that part of your discomfort is knowing what really does lurk out there as well, because that is too true as well.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 1:14 PM , Anonymous Fluteitup said...

    The Evil Queen on Snow White made me (and later my niece) cry.  She's scary!!

    Found you through TRDC

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 1:36 PM , Anonymous Jennifer Barr said...

    Dude, I can't watch scary movies. I watched one - it was a Freddy one I think - in high school. And, the queen? Totally freaked out my little sister. 

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 2:22 PM , Anonymous Kir said...

    oh I have a long horrible history with scary movies, I DO NOT WATCH THEM. Another thing we agree on  :)
    I am afraid I'll be thinking of this post as I drift off to sleep tonight, Scary!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 3:22 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

    The Shining did me in! I couldn't get into horror or scary movies after viewing Jack Nickleson in that movie.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 4:50 PM , Anonymous Mrs Bear said...

    Stopping by from TRDC.

    I can relate. I used to love slasher movies growing up but can't seem to stomach them as an adult. I still love a good scary movie, but I prefer the ones with ridiculous concepts.

    The old Nightmare on Elm Street was on of my old favorites though. I still remember that Freddy rhyme too. I like the way you broke it up with the prose. Nice.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 5:08 PM , Anonymous jentos23 said...

    I don't do horror movies either. Too scary. You did awesome with this prompt!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 5:38 PM , Anonymous shellthings said...

    Those movies freaked me out back then, too! And now? I can't even watch previews for horror movies. 

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 6:11 PM , Anonymous Kristin & Megan said...

    I didn't see A Nightmare on Elm Street until I was an adult. My mama totally didn't let me watch it!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 6:28 PM , Anonymous Mad Woman said...

    When I was a teen, I could watch these movies. Would invite boys over and scare the crap out of them, when the opportunity arose. 
    But now, NO WAY. I prefer to be able to sleep and scary movies get stuck in my head and keep me from turning off my brain.
    BTW, I know that Titanic song. We would change the chorus to say "Uncles and Aunts, little children wet their pants." 

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 6:53 PM , Anonymous Cheryl said...

    I literally hid behind the couch for certain parts of Silence of the Lambs. I couldn't watch, but I couldn't NOT watch, and of course the couch saved me from...um, not sure, but it seemed like a good idea at the time! You captured that fear so well!!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 8:23 PM , Anonymous Jackie said...

    I do not watch horror movies. Ever. I used to and I have no idea why because now that I see them they really are cheesy but the new ones.... they're to damn real looking.

    So I'll be a wimp right along side of you!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:13 PM , Anonymous JennaFarelyn said...

    im that way about horror novels I was too young/innocent to have read!  And I have never been good at watching horror movies either.  Im with you in the wimp camp. Happily.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:22 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    I've done that, too :)  I think the idea is if YOU are behind the couch, nothing else can be behind the couch, lurking there to get you!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:24 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Oh no!  Now I am going to sing the song to Abbey with those lyrics.  For a long time, I thought it was Lady Esther instead of Lady Astor, and found myself inexplicably sad when I realized Lady Astor was a real person.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:25 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Smart lady!  I might end up being that mama, even though I never thought I would be.  Abbey hasn't even seen a Disney movie yet.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:26 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Ryan was making fun of me one day, because I got all upset about a preview.  I'm such a wimp!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:29 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Thank you!  I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:30 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    I just can't handle the blood or the scares!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:31 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    After I wrote this, I went up to bed.  Then I swore I heard someone IN MY HOUSE.  I was wrong, of course, but see what thinking about scary movies does to me??

    We will only watch funny, romantic comdies when we hang out :)

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:32 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    We showed it to sixth graders when I taught, and some of them were scared.  Although they pretended not to be!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:33 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Very scary!  The eye make-up and hair are terrifying.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:34 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Isn't it funny how something that is so obviously fake can still bring out that animalistic fear?  I don't know how they do it.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:34 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    I've done that in theaters, wasting money and just staring into popcorn!

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:35 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Nooooo!  I'm sorry I stuck it in your brain :)

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:36 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    I don't know.  My uncle let us watch Poltergeist one time, and I was little.  I was scared of that movie almost my entire life :(  But we can blame our parents, anyway :)

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 9:37 PM , Anonymous Angela said...

    Disney villans are creepy.  I know I'm overthinking it, but Abbey might not watch a movie until she's about 13 ;)

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 10:05 PM , Anonymous Renee said...

    Youre not a wimp!
    I've never watched those movies, or any of the other mad slasher ones. I like my monsters to be non human.
    That you remember the rhyme says the impression it made was pretty deep.

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 10:09 PM , Anonymous Lance said...

    i was 14 when Elm St came out so I thought it was supercool.

    when I 10 i saw a movie called When A Stranger Calls. It's basically Carol Kane (simka from Taxi) getting stalked while babysitting. Every time  a phone rang after dark I freaked out.

    good post...great imagery

     
  • At June 7, 2011 at 10:09 PM , Anonymous Mama Track said...

    Ok, you brought it all back. I'm scared now.  Just reading it.  I was terrified watching those movies, but I kept doing it. I'm not sure why.

    And now? I'm with you--there's enough horror in the world without resorting to fiction. 

    Great, visceral post!

     
  • At June 8, 2011 at 11:35 AM , Anonymous Paulette said...

    I watched Nightmare on Elm Street when I was in 3rd grade, spent something like 2wks sleeping in my daddy's room. Now I laugh at it. My BFF hates w/a flaming flying purple passion that song!

     

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