Dylan mid-January
I've been ignoring the rumbles and the side glances, twisting the curls around my fingers while pushing long strands out of his eyes. Unlike his sister, who was born with hair, his crept in slowly, silky strands that grew to curl at the base of his neck.
Cutting it after it worked so hard to grow in seemed unfair.
Still, after a week's worth of pulling his hair out of seeping, weepy, pink-eyed, sinus-infected, sad blue eyes, I felt myself cave. (And who let these germs loose on our house, by the way?)
Snow was falling as the four of us piled into the car, Abbey excited about getting her hair cut, my heart inexplicably heavy, as though his very baby-ness was woven into the locks curling softly against his collar.
Reluctant to wear the cape, we coaxed it around his neck with a stuffed Mickey Mouse in one hand and a Peter Rabbit book in the other. Knowing our squirmy boy, I held him on my lap as golden strands of his first two years fell to the floor, a few safely tucked into an envelope, unsure if their magic was lost or expanded as they left his head.
He grew impatient by the end of the cut, whining and trying to pull off the cape. Unable to distract him with stories or pictures of elephants, we pulled out our trump card-the lollipop. Mollified, he gripped it without licking it, thankfully, as a hair-encrusted sucker doesn't sound at all appealing.
I never thought I would be a mom who cared too much about hair. Truly.
But this feels different than cutting hair. He's our baby, and now suddenly he looks like a little boy. I'm in love with this little man running around our house now, but it might be a few more days until I can admit to myself that we're slowly rounding the bend from having babies to having children.
Most moments, I'm excited about moving forward, about thoughts that we'll potty train this year and start taking family vacations that don't involve a pack and play.
But in the darkness, my head on my pillow, I think of the way they don't fit in my arms in quite the same way anymore. And I'm thankful I have a certain envelope on my bookshelf, for the day when I can't quite remember the way his hair curled.
Dylan this Saturday
she wanted a hair cut, too
four inches for my almost-four year old
Oh, tears. I always think little boys look so cute with a little extra "shag." Big day for YOU, Mama. You handled it well, it sounds like.
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot more to hair than just something that grows on your head. I realized this when our youngest got his first hair cut. I cried like a baby!
ReplyDeleteAHH! He looks so grown up! Luke has no hair and he's 14 months old. I mean, he has a little, but it's barely enough to brush. I can imagine I'll be the same when he gets his first haircut!
ReplyDeleteThere's something so different when a boy gets a hair cut. They instantly look grown up!
ReplyDeleteI too did not want to part with my little man's curls. I am so glad that I waited until after his 1st birthday. His 1st birthday photos are SO adorable with his soft curls.
ReplyDeleteYour little man looks so grown up. I know, you must have sighed. :)
I can so relate to this. I remember my son's first haircut. It feels like you're cutting out all the baby and the next thing you know they're all grown up.
ReplyDeleteOh, a key moment. I have a similar envelope and my little boy is eight now. I loved this: what a smart soul he looks now!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kate! I DO love the little boy he's becoming; it was quite the shock to see how much older he really seems now.
ReplyDeleteYes! I might as well just start packing for college, huh?
ReplyDeleteI did sigh :) I waited a LONG time (he just turned two), so it was definitely time, but it was still hard for me!
ReplyDeleteYes, I loved his hockey hair :) I don't know if we'll keep it quite so short. Well, I don't know. My husband likes it :)
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny how much we attach to such a small ritual?
ReplyDeleteGiggle. Dylan was like that. I look back at his one year birthday pics, and he doesn't have more than a little peach fuzz ;)
ReplyDeleteI know! I didn't mind this much with Abbey for some reason :)
ReplyDeleteI had to take my son to get a haircut on Saturday. His curls were growing into his ears.
ReplyDeleteThey look adorable.
ReplyDeleteGreat haircuts.
Beautiful writing! Even though I have a little girl and can wait awhile, I still cringe at the thought of her first haircut. I honestly think that it will be harder on me than anything we've experienced because you're right -- it almost makes it like they are little people and not babies any more :(
ReplyDeleteoh how I remember the first time we had to cut Eddie's curls. I bawled and bawled. He is such a man now with his haircut, but oh...that wispy hair? Is gone forever.
ReplyDeleteDylan looks quite handsome, though :)
It's bittersweet. There's happy and sad at each stage.
ReplyDeleteI get the boys hair cut every 5 weeks, I don't like it long. But I do have one picture here on my desk, them at the boat house laying on the bed and their hair is long past a haircut and I just want to reach out and curl my fingers in it. I love when they get cuts, because we get to the point where I'll say "It looks liike nobody loves you!" and we go to Holiday and they flirt with the girls and do so well with the clippers. But you're right every single haircut brings them closer to Little boy status and away from "my babies". I'm also a bad mommy, because I do not have their hair from the first cut...I Phwwwwwed it and now I'm sad.
ReplyDeleteDylan looks so cute and yes so grown up...look at the difference in those pics. WOW. Little Boy. xoxoxo
Oh, Angela, they are just too cute. And I completely understand....it's so hard when they start doing those things (like getting hair cuts) that make them not-so-babyish anymore. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteAw, I think he does look like such a grown up boy with his haircut. I've always thought haircuts make my kids look older.
ReplyDeleteIt's truly amazing how much older a boy looks after a haircut. I half-wanted them to undo CJ's first cut...he just looked too old. Impossibly old.
ReplyDeleteNow, as his hair is so curly that it's truly unbelievable, we use my barber's clippers to cut it, and he hates it because, I think, he's convinced that his hair will end up looking like my hair.
awwww, i know,mama. *HUG*
ReplyDeleteIt is more than a haircut. I cried when my boys went from long curls to a little boy haircut. They seemed so big.
ReplyDeleteYes :( And you had to do it three times. Poor Shell.
ReplyDeleteThank you :) Hugs are good in this situation.
ReplyDeleteI know, and it seems like it's worse (better? more grown up?) with boys.
ReplyDeleteYes. I get so torn between loving the growing up and missing the baby-ness.
ReplyDeleteGiggling at them flirting with the hairdressers. You have double the charm on your hands!
ReplyDeleteIsn't D such a little boy now?
xo
Thanks Katie! And yes, there's something about those little wispies that are just baby hair and are now swept away forever :(
ReplyDeleteYes! Suddenly I just feel like he's so big. He even looks older next to Abbey :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe THAT'S why Dylan looks at me and laughs when I tell him no. Now that he has less hair in his ears I'm sure he'll listen better.
ReplyDeleteOh... what a brave mommy. I can't seem to bring myself to cut Andrew's hair yet.
ReplyDeleteMy boys both needed haircuts much too early. It didn't curl At. All. Just stuck out straight. Fine and Thin. Like a chia pet, with no curly end.
ReplyDeleteYour kids are both incredibly cute...more hair or less :)
I know it's hard but he looks extremely handsome. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd "mollified" is such a good word that does NOT get used enough.
My kids came out with full heads of hair that I started cutting when they were just a few weeks old. But I absolutely kept those locks in an envelope, tucked safely away!
ReplyDeleteI'm in your club, Kir - no first locks from the first haircuts. I think that's okay ... I already have quite a few milk teeth from my seven year old instead!! Honestly, I'm not really sure what I'll do with them -- I know my mom still has mine and I certainly don't want them now!).
ReplyDeleteAngela, I remember my son's first haircut so well. He threw such a huge tantrum that it took about 45 minutes until I could hold him still enough for it not to be dangerous to bring the scissors close. Sounds like Dylan was well behaved in comparison!
It is definitely a baby to boy experience -- made me weep at the time.
This was beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteI related so much to this.
When we decided to cut my son's adorable curls, I cried. A. Lot.
Sigh...
They grow too fast
He is very handsome with his new cut though :)
He looks like such a little man now!! And, I totally get this! xo
ReplyDeleteOuch. My mommy heart hurt a little reading this. So bittersweet, and so well-written!
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastically written post! Oh, the first haircut. I waited forever with Cooper as well...just couldn't let that baby hair go.
ReplyDeleteWith my son I waited so long to get his hair cut. So long the family members threatened to sneak him away for a cut. Oh his beautiful, red, curly, locks!
ReplyDeleteI was not nearly so emotional with my girls.
Your little boy is so beautiful
Thank you! I think some of it has to do with knowing those little baby locks are just gone. With girls, you can grow it again and do so many other things with their hair!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny? It's just hair; I know that in my head, but I just couldn't do it for so long :(
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Mary Lauren. Not that I wanted to make hearts hurt, but I'm happy that so many people experienced the same thing and understood where this came from ;)
ReplyDeleteIsn't he such a little dude? I do love how he looks, though it was a shocker at first!
ReplyDeleteWell thank you :) They do grow up so quickly. It seems like he aged a year in just the time it took them to snip away those little curls.
ReplyDeleteAbbey had tons of hair, too, so many that's why cutting hers wasn't so emotional for me. Or maybe because he's my youngest? Who knows? And yes, the envelope is staying around. I still have Abbey's, though she tried to get me to give it to her after seeing Dylan's.
ReplyDeleteThanks Elaine! I feel like a great portion of my life is mollifying, though I guess I don't call it that very often ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm giggling :) When Abbey was little, hers didn't curl (and still doesn't) so the part at the top of her head just stuck straight up. I could tell all the little, old ladies just wanted to do that thing where you lick your hand and smooth down their hair.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't exactly ready. But after he was sick, and it was all just sticking all over, it felt like it was time :)
ReplyDelete