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Friday, November 4, 2011

Evening Silence

Her parents move through the kitchen in a practiced, synchronized dance of carrying and rinsing and wiping away the chaos of dinner.

Forks scrape plates into the stainless steel sink, clinging food rinsed clean with scalding water.

Spoons lift the salvageable into carefully labeled containers, stored neatly in the spotless refrigerator.

Her mother pauses, pushing back her hair and leaning against cold granite, breathing in the warm scent of pine and the silence of post-dinner homework.
Her father moves back and forth, his mind in his office.

The flickering candle casts shadows they wordlessly ignore.

Her room is the arranged mess of a teenager with one foot still in girlhood, pale blue walls and plush carpet, teddy bears pushed carelessly against lavender pillows, thrown to the ground at bedtime to mingle with pom-poms and notices of spirit week fundraisers. 

The white dresser smoothly cradles a jumble of bracelets and earrings, some borrowed from her mother’s endless collection, and glittered lip gloss, aching to whisper secrets they see in the silence.

Leaning against a wall plastered with Justin Bieber, she tips a small vial back and forth between her palms, contemplating the cleanliness of a rolled-up dollar bill.



Write On Edge: Red-Writing-Hood
the prompt:
This week I want you to take me to your version of 8:00 -AM or PM, fiction or creative nonfiction- in 200 words or less.
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51 comments:

  1. KirNovember 4, 2011 at 8:29 AM

    wow Katie, this was so descriptive and so full of moments, little moments that might not mean a lot right away, but later when you see her at the end, you do. Is she lonely, is she contemplating the bad while she is good at heart? I loved this...for all the questions it made me ask. WOW

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  2. KirNovember 4, 2011 at 8:31 AM

    Ang, I knew this was YOU....and wrote Katie, because I was answering another email. OMG, I'm so sorry. This was AMAZING!!!!!!! amazing!

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  3. JackieNovember 4, 2011 at 8:39 AM

    Wow! This was a fabulous. I won't lie, it makes me want to read more. Kudos!

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  4. Alison@Mama Wants ThisNovember 4, 2011 at 8:45 AM

    I am well and truly intrigued - I hope there's more to this story!

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  5. TLanceBNovember 4, 2011 at 9:16 AM

    I have a teenaged daughter - 15. It was like reading her thoughts. It made me teary eyed, not going to lie. Except her wall has Taylor Swift.

    Beautiful prose. It's descriptive and deep. I want more, please.

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  6. TomekhaNovember 4, 2011 at 9:19 AM

    This was so beautifully written...wow

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  7. Alison@Mommy is a Power RangerNovember 4, 2011 at 9:31 AM

    Wow, great post.  I want to know what she is contemplating doing-I know what I immediately thought, but I may just have a tainted mind.

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  8. Karen @ Time CraftedNovember 4, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    Uh-oh.  What's she up to?  With daughter of my own, must say while well written, it's chilling.  But, I suppose that's the point!  Looking forward to finding out if I should be worried. :>

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  9. JennNovember 4, 2011 at 10:51 AM

    That was quite the surprise ending. I loved the way you described the parents, it was so clinical.

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  10. christinaNovember 4, 2011 at 11:37 AM

    oh boy.

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  11. jentos23November 4, 2011 at 12:09 PM

    Oh my, Angela! I was not expecting that at all!! Wow! 

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  12. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    Scary, right?  I don't know where this came from. 

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  13. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    All bad things.

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  14. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:44 PM

    Thanks; I tried to get across how they were so concerned with how things looked on the surface, and they didn't see what was really happening.

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  15. GayletriniNovember 4, 2011 at 12:50 PM

    Shocking... have to admit though your tone, to me, kind of prepared me that something was not all that perfect. Scary stuff.

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  16. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    She's contemplating bad things, poor girl.  I won't get back to this until after Nanowrimo.  I don't even know how it popped into my head.

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  17. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    Nope.  She's at a pretty dangerous crossroads.

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  18. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:55 PM

    Thank you :)

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  19. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:55 PM

    Thanks Lance!  I am scared of that age :) 

    I probably won't get to this for a while (not part of my nano stuff.)

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  20. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:55 PM

    There will be one day :)  Not until December.

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  21. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    Thanks Jackie!  I'll write more-eventually.

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  22. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:58 PM

    Thanks hon :)  She's good at heart, of course, aren't most of us? ;)  But bad things are on her horizon :(

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  23. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 12:59 PM

    I think it's good that you had an inkling that something was wrong.  I wanted the "outer" to be a little foreboding.

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  24. McKennaNovember 4, 2011 at 1:25 PM

    I was right there Ang, now can you write the next page and post tomorrow?

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  25. shellthingsNovember 4, 2011 at 1:58 PM

    Wow girl. Just wow.

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  26. Venus BrightonNovember 4, 2011 at 2:09 PM

    Wow.  I like the hints at all the various psychoses/weirdnesses around the house.  The OCD of the mom, the distance of the dad, and of course the drug use of the teen.  Proof that seemingly beautiful moments can foreshadow shady things to come.  Well don!

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  27. CarrieNovember 4, 2011 at 2:24 PM

    Is the first section about the parents cleaning supposed to be repeated? Or was that some glitch in the post?

    This starts so innocent and ends so dark...great job!

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  28. Nancy CNovember 4, 2011 at 3:30 PM

    The flickering candle casts shadows they wordlessly ignore. 
    You? You are crazy good. Sneaking in that bit of foreshadowing with a gorgeous little snapshot. 

    This left me breathless. Even knowing the ending, I still gasped. 

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  29. Elaine A.November 4, 2011 at 3:47 PM

    I just want them to stop cleaning and go see her and be with her!!! 

    Taking note from this post, right now. ;)

    So. Well. Done, my friend. 

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  30. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 5:22 PM

    Thanks Elaine!  I can only hope that I never close my eyes like this to what A & D are doing in their lives.

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  31. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 5:23 PM

    You are too kind to me, but I'm glad you liked it.  It's a shiny red apple with a rotten core, you know?

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  32. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    Some sort of glitch!  Thanks for mentioning it; I fixed it :)

    And thank you!  It came out of nowhere, and I will now tuck it away for use at a later date!

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  33. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    Thank you.  There can be so much under such a pretty surface; looking at it from a distance, you wouldn't think much was wrong.

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  34. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 5:25 PM

    Thanks Shell!  (At least I hope that was a good wow, and not a wow, stop writing. Now.)

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  35. shellthingsNovember 4, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    Of course it was a good wow. :)

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  36. AngelaNovember 4, 2011 at 5:28 PM

    :) You never know :)

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  37. Cameron_GNovember 4, 2011 at 7:35 PM

    Angela.... whew.

    So much menace in a last line, and your portrait of the family so perfect in its execution it made me tense... and I knew the ending.

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  38. KimberlyNovember 4, 2011 at 11:23 PM

    That last line really hit me. Love how you wrote this, leaving clues throughout.

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  39. AngelaNovember 5, 2011 at 7:18 AM

    Thanks Kim!  I'm glad you picked up on the little bis of foreshadowing.  I wanted it to feel like something was "off," so it wasn't like the ending was a suprise, more of a "Oh, THAT'S not good."

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  40. AngelaNovember 5, 2011 at 7:18 AM

    Thanks Cam :)  Menacing is new for me; I kind of liked it.

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  41. Galit BreenNovember 5, 2011 at 3:20 PM

    Angela! I love this one- love!

    The sprinkling of clues, the tugging at every Mama heart (hat tip for that one, girl) and the karate chop ending- perfection.

    You do dark well. :)

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  42. sweetbutterblissNovember 6, 2011 at 2:41 AM

    This is scary. Thoughts like this make me want to lock up my daughters. I love how you describe things, you never directly tell us. Great writing.

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  43. Jennifer BrunoNovember 6, 2011 at 7:43 AM

    You write with such love and positivity, that this piece was unexpected.  And good!  I really enjoyed reading about the complexities of this family dynamic.  My heart hurts for this girl.  

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  44. JessicaNovember 7, 2011 at 1:11 AM

    Makes me want to keep my girls inside the house under my watch for the rest of their life instead of letting them out in the world. 

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  45. dosweatthesmallstuffNovember 8, 2011 at 8:44 PM

    Such a contrast between the warmth and cozy feelings evoked in the beginning of the post, and the cold, cruel reality at the end.  It made me think about, no matter how perfect a family looked from the outside, it had its own skeletons in the closet...

    Amazing piece of writing here, Angela.  You delivered it with perfection.

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  46. AngelaNovember 9, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    Thanks...I think... :)

    It came out of nowhere, too, and that's always fun.

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  47. AngelaNovember 9, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    Yes, let's lock up the kids.  That is a plan :)  At least put them in a bubble with a constant mommy-cam feed.

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  48. AngelaNovember 9, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    Thanks Jen :)  My heart, too, though I don't know much about her...yet.  Maybe I will write her more.

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  49. AngelaNovember 9, 2011 at 1:22 PM

    Let them out :)  Just follow behind.  With a camera and a butterfly net.

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  50. AngelaNovember 9, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    Thank you!  I wanted that contrast between the surface and what's underneath, so I really appreciate your comment.

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  51. NicholeNovember 10, 2011 at 9:26 AM

    This piece gives me the chills.
    And makes me want to go climb in bed with Katie and hold her 4-year-old self close. 
    Nicely done, Angela!

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