Their argument over the paint color started as a joke. Truly there wasn’t much difference between steel and dove, especially when they weren’t planning to change one brush stroke on the smooth walls.
But his voice had grown petulant, fading into uncomfortable silence
as they shifted a couch and armchairs and her small Parsons desk into a
workable configuration. He slunk away as
she poured wine, leaving her to settle into a cream IKEA armchair in the dusk,
looking through the south window alone.
Today, freed from their cages beneath comfortably low
couches, dust bunnies crept along white baseboards, scarred from lack of care
with wayward shoes and table legs.
Grooves from her desk chair marred the birch floor,
highlighted, along with dancing flecks of dust, by the sunlight streaming
through the sole window.
“Ready?” Drew spoke from the doorway.
“What would you call these walls?” she asked cautiously,
though they were past the point of tests.
“They’re grey, Gee,” he grinned simply.
Silently, she took his hand, pulling the door
closed, leaving dust bunnies in peace.
the prompt:
This week we asked you to take us somewhere. Where was up to you -fiction or creative nonfiction- but we asked you to use your words to paint the setting as vividly as possible. In 200 words.
Interested? Read more of Greta's story.
I could see the empty room, the feeling of it being stripped bare... Your description of the dust bunnies was perfect.
ReplyDeleteOh, I have to say I like Drew! I like a guy who doesn't know the difference between 'steel' and 'dove'! :)
He's kind of her equalizer :) I'm glad you could feel it. I like people more than places :)
ReplyDeleteYou did this prompt very well. I could see the room. I have to highlight a line because it's so great..."Today, freed from their cages beneath comfortably low
ReplyDeletecouches, dust bunnies crept along white baseboards, scarred from lack of care
with wayward shoes and table legs." That is such a great description..."freed from their cages." I also like the emotion within the setting -- life moves on. I like you had her close the door..."leaving the dust bunnies in peace." Well done and thanks for sharing this:~)
Me too! And you did a great job with Drew..he's definitely a likable guy.
ReplyDeleteYou may like people better than places, but you did a great job of taking me to that empty room. Like Sweaty, I adored this description:
ReplyDelete"Today, freed from their cages beneath comfortably low couches, dust bunnies crept along white baseboards, scarred from lack of care with wayward shoes and table legs."
I mean, wow. Nicely done. I really felt an "on the brink of something" moment with this piece. And I loved it.
Love this...and I love Drew! I'm rooting for them :)
ReplyDeleteI loved that line too! (' freed from their cages beneath comfortably low couches, dust bunnies crept along white baseboards, scarred from lack of care with wayward shoes and table legs.') Nice detail about 'steel and dove'.
ReplyDeletePossible typo here?? 'But his voice and grown petulant,'
All that was left was the bunnies and the scratched floor. How sad!
ReplyDeleteSaw every nook and cranny of that room, felt her pull to want to feel "something" and then her comfort when Drew agreed, gave her his hand and her self esteem back. I was sad and uplifted within moments of one another. I could hear that door click into place at the end.. wow!!!! Xo
ReplyDeleteThose of you who write fiction for WoE amaze me. Truly. This was a great entry and I'm in awe of it.
ReplyDeleteA story, a setting, and character emotions I could feel, all in one...brilliant!
ReplyDeleteLoved this: "Today, freed from their cages beneath comfortably low couches, dust bunnies crept along white baseboards, scarred from lack of care with wayward shoes and table legs." Truly loved the dust bunnies here and at the end!! :>
nice :)
ReplyDeleteI love how you used the dust in the form of bunnies to animate and lighten the heaviness that comes over you when you move.
ReplyDeletegreat post
Love that ending! :)
ReplyDeleteThere's a sense of beginning with the ending, no?
ReplyDeleteThank you! I kind of fell in love with the dust bunnies. Isn't that silly?
ReplyDeleteThank you! I love that you could sense the brink of their new beginning here. She has been through a lot to get there.
ReplyDeleteMe too ;)
ReplyDeleteAbsolute typo...it should say "had grown petulant." Thanks for the catch!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the comment about the color. It says a lot about their personalities, really (though her ex isn't a huge part of this part of the story.)
It's ok that it's sad, I think. She is ready to move on, and leaving that sadness behind is ok.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kir! She's been through a lot, you know? I wasn't sure I wanted her to find someone else so quickly, but Drew just crept up on me :)
ReplyDeleteOh, that's too nice! Thanks Elena :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Karen. I'm at a point in the story where just setting didn't work for me, so I included a little narrative as well :)
ReplyDeleteI like the dust bunnies, too :)
They're my favorite part, too :) Wandering around aimlessly...
ReplyDeleteHe's a great guy :)
ReplyDeleteThe little scars in the floor and woodwork are perfect. The last remnants of an old self.
ReplyDeleteTime to make new grooves. In a new life.
Well done!
Emptiness as a vehicle for the description of what was. So nicely done.
ReplyDeleteI especially like the argument over color, and Drew's response to the "test."
Thank you :) A new beginning can be scary, but it's often better than staying in the past.
ReplyDeleteThanks Cam. I think she's ready to really move on. Drew's her balance, instead of an antagonist for her :)
ReplyDeleteI love the "dust bunnies freed from their cages" part. That's awesome. It totally conveyed the vacancy.
ReplyDeleteThank you! That seems to be a popular one, and I loved it when I wrote it (to be honest.)
ReplyDeleteI like how the state of the dust bunnies is a methaphor for the marriage.
ReplyDeleteI sent this to someone else today, too, but the way you phrased it ("Drew just crept up on me), has made it impossible for me not to share this quote again.
ReplyDeleteFlannery O'Connor: "When I started writing that story [Good Country People], I didn't know there was going to be a PhD with a wooden leg in it. I merely found myself one morning writing a description of two women I knew something about, and before I realised it, I had equipped one of them with a daughter with a wooden leg. I brought in the bible salesman, but I had no idea what I was going to do with him. I didn't know he was going to steal that wooden leg until 10 or 12 lines before he did it, but when I found out that this was what was going to happen, I realised it was inevitable."
It's from an article in the Guardian by Anne Enright, if you want to read the whole thing (also, the link wasn't working before, but if you search her name and the Guardian, it'll pop up). I'd actually say the quote is the best part of the whole thing, but still, don't want to deprive you of the opportunity to read if you want.
You are awesome and this is an amazingly written piece. Very vivid visually and emotionally. I feel her frustration, sadness, acceptance and the hope of happiness. Well done!
ReplyDeleteLOL "They're grey" Answer of the century!!
ReplyDeleteI got a really good feeling for this setting. Set those bunnies free I say!!
I think I like this one the best of all I've read today. Well done. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy she's moving on. I think she's going to have lots of memories of how he really wasn't a good guy, you know?
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you need that first sentence. I'm not a fan of starting something with a preposition. I like the action starting with the second line. You could actually flip-flop those sentences. Small typo: But his voice and grown petulant
I love the line about dust bunnies freed from their cages. Also how you not only physically put us in the room but also made us feel the vibe of long ago arguments and relationships as well.
ReplyDeleteYour writing never disappoints, Angela.
ReplyDeleteI especially love this bit, "Grooves from her desk chair marred the birch floor..."
Gorgeous.
Loving the dust bunnies...could totally see them scampering around looking for dust carrots after the door closed.
ReplyDeleteOkay so I want more and I want to know now how he became her ex-husband:) You do realize how much of a gift you have don't you? I can cleary see that in just the first 200 words I have ever laid on eyes that belong to you:)
ReplyDeleteWell, the marriage has been swept away :) But the bunnies will be soon, too, I suspect.
ReplyDeleteOh thank you!
ReplyDeleteDrew is wise. Why split hairs over something like a paint color name?
ReplyDeleteYay! thank you! That's quite a compliment, because there is some great work out there :)
ReplyDeleteFixed the typo and nixed the sentence, thanks :) I flipped them at first, but it seemed unnecessary on a read-through, so I got rid of it. You know I like to cut, cut, cut ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you :) Characters/relationships are one of my favorite things to write.
ReplyDeleteThank you, my friend :)
ReplyDeleteIt can be interesting to see scars where we wouldn't expect.
Dust carrots :) My little girl loves that joke.
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot more to this story. If you're interested, there's a tab for all the different pieces on my navigation bar.
ReplyDeleteAlso, this is one of the nicest comments anyone has ever left me. Thank you for making me smile!
Drew sounds like my kind of guy. Go Greta! And LOVE the free-range dust bunnies. I can actually hear that door closing. Very nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ash! The dust bunnies were such a hit :) I loved them, but you never know exactly what will work and what won't :)
ReplyDeleteA wonderful piece ! And I felt a sense of release as the door closed .
ReplyDeleteThanks for popping in and leaving a comment on my blog .
You're welcome! Yes, closing that door is truly ending a chapter of her life.
ReplyDeleteOh, wow. This is so beautiful. So wonderfully written. I love every part of it and your writing caused me to feel the emotion - the uncomfortable silence.
ReplyDeleteAnd, those dust bunnies. Creeping around those baseboards.
Fantastic.