"Water gives life. It also takes it away."
Write a short piece - fiction or non-fiction - inspired by one or both of these statements.
This is fiction and (obviously) a work in progress. As always, feedback is lovingly appreciated.
"The Godmother"
Forehead. Chest. Left shoulder. Right shoulder.
The movement is smooth and automatic and strangely comforting. Greta doesn’t think about the countless fingers casually dipped into the holy water that morning.
The father. The son. The Holy Spirit.
The Holy Trinity.
Three that were one.
As automatic as the sign of the cross, Greta reaches down to twist her wedding ring before remembering that her finger is now adorned only with a faint indentation, the ring languishing in the corner of her dining room. A small circle of gold placed on her finger under this roof, under this God, promising so much.
Two had become one, then almost three, and then everything fell apart.
Paralyzed, she dips her fingers into the fount again, but this time the water is as warm as blood, and her hand drops to her side without performing the Sign of the Cross, dripping Holy Water onto the stone floor.
Incense floods her nose as she crosses into an alien world and walks purposely to the front of the church where her family waits. A faceless aunt or cousin holds Greta’s soon-to-be-goddaughter, a squirming bundle of white satin, thrust into Greta’s arms as she slides into the pew. The voluminous baptismal gown is deceiving; Elisabeth is weightless in Greta’s arms.
In another life, she had traced the worn wood of these pews every Sunday, taking as much comfort in the ritual of Mass as she did in the words of the decorated priest on the altar.
She hasn’t been inside this building in ninety-seven days. Ninety-six days ago, on a Monday, cramps had wracked her abdomen. James found her sobbing in the shower, water washing the crimson blood to pink, and she found out shortly after that he had really only meant the “for better” part of their vows.
Panic buckles her knees until her brother catches her eyes and holds her up with the strength of his will.
“Breathe,” Paul mouths silently, before smiling and kissing her cheek and holding his hand on her back for an extra instant. That warm pressure lets Greta know that he remembers what she told him over wine and tears the night she told him she was divorcing James. That he remembers the baby.
Someone pops a pacifier into Elisabeth’s mouth, and she is still, sucking methodically with her eyes closed. The priest walks over to the family, his words expressing happiness to see Greta in church, his eyes worried and confused. Greta stretches a smile over her teeth, studying Elisabeth without seeing her.
Father begins the service, and desperately, Greta reaches for her sister-in-law, cradling Elisabeth tightly in one arm. Paul knows about the almost-baby and the shower and the agony, and therefore Louise must know, but Louise shakes off Greta’s hand, a serene look pasted on her face.
Again, Greta’s knees buckle, and she sinks into the pew, torn between clutching the baby to her chest and letting her slip to the floor. Father is chanting, praying, and the standing bodies pray with him, ignoring the flood of tears that baptize Elisabeth as she lies sleeping in Greta’s arms.
Oh no! How sad!! Very beautifully written, even if it makes me want to cry. Or maybe because it does... =)
ReplyDeleteOh, this is beautiful. I could really feel her incredible pain.
ReplyDeleteThis takes me breath away. You captured the concept of life and death and their proximity so well without bashing us over the head with the pain and loss or the joy and beauty of the ceremony...as if we were as numb as Greta.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and haunting! Well done.
The last line made me catch my breath ...
ReplyDeleteI have no words.
Just beautiful x
This is so painful...I can feel her pain...so so profoundly sad but oh so beautifully written. I want to read more!!
ReplyDeleteWow, this is very good! You really know how to toy with the emotions! Good job.
ReplyDeleteReally powerful writing. So painful. So sad.
ReplyDeleteI will admit I did get a little confused at the end as to who was holding the baby, I think the sister-in-law part threw me off. I thought she took her for a minute. I had to go back and read that part - I guess honestly I could do without Louise in this whirlwind of emotion. She seems cold and distant. I kind of want to hit her. ;) I loved the connection between Greta and her brother. That was something I could feel, I could almost sense their connection and feel like I was witnessing their eyes meeting, him keeping her strong.
Great stuff.
I'm not sure why but I love the haunting pieces so much. This was raw with emotion. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteSuch heartbreak in this piece!
ReplyDeleteI love the imagery of the church. Greta's separation from it. And the bond between brother and sister.
ReplyDeleteSo much to see and feel here.
Well done.
So sad.... the loss of her child, her husband, the marriage that she thought would stand the test of time. Everything was literally washed down the drain.
ReplyDeleteYou did an amazing job writing this and capturing the feelings of everyone.
This was gorgeous to read, and so very sad.
ReplyDeleteYou bring the reader in almost effortlessly.
This is absolutely amazing, Angela.
ReplyDeleteI could see it all, like a movie...the water from the fount dripping onto the floor from her fingers...her tears falling onto the baby.
My heart aches for Greta and I'm left wondering about Louise.
I need you to revisit this...I need to know more. So much more.
I love this. I really do. So much heartbreak, so much beautiful detail - like Louise shaking off Greta's hand.
ReplyDeleteYou did such a fantastic job with this. You really made me feel Greta's profound grief.
Amazing..there really is no other word. WOW
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I re-read this, I read it last night but was so tired that I got confused...it's not you it was me, I promise.
ReplyDeleteI loved this, "studying Elisabeth without seeing her" and the flood of tears. I loved the names you chose too!
My only note is this, "Incense floods her nose as she crosses into an alien world and walks purposely to the front of the church where her family waits." I wonder if the word purposefully would work better here?
This is phenomenal!!
ReplyDeleteI was so caught up in it that when it ended I was sad.
My favorite line, "torn between clutching the baby to her chest and letting her slip to the floor" holds so much pain and truth.
Great job
This made my heart ache, for the loss of her husband, the loss of her baby, the loss of her faith, the loss, really, of her life as she knew it
ReplyDeleteI loved the water references - washing away the blood, tears, holy water dripping, the baptism. Such an amazing piece of writing.
WOW. the ending line, beautiful. So sad yet so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteOh, the line of "...he had only meant the 'for better' part of their vows"...was so sad, especially in such a time of loss for your character...
ReplyDeleteBeautiful writing...
This is phenomenal. I love every word. I am suffering with infertility and, in turn, have made many infertile friends in the meantime. So many of them have suffered miscarriages and my heart breaks for them. This story really resonates with my current situation and I LOVE it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderfully written story. Its so sad and you are able to feel exactly what Greta is feeling. I also really dont like Louise.
ReplyDeleteso HAUNTING! but beautifully written! I love the small details that help capture the mood...the overwhelming sadness of this piece.
ReplyDeleteI am so angry that the SIL shook off her hand when she clearly needed her most. But this is beautifully executed and written. All the little details make it. Also mad at the jerk of a husband who couldn't handle it in the first place...you evoke such emotion----clearly the sign of a great piece of writing!
ReplyDeleteLouise needs a good kick in the shin. So wonderfully done. All the details, the holy water, the last sentence. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I saw that you skipped the prompt to visit all the links this week. That is amazing & very kind.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'd like to expand at some point. I mean, you would think the SIL would be kinder in that situation, but she's not. Why? Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteHaunting is such a great compliment in terms of what I was aiming for with this. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI don't like her either! She must have some redeeming characteristics, but I haven't written them yet :)
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear you are suffering with infertility. My thoughts are with you :( I think one of the great things about blogging is finding people who have dealt with or are dealing with things like miscarriage, infertility, and life in general. So many things used to be taboo, and now women are really finding common ground through talking about their own struggles.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Poor Greta :(
ReplyDeleteThank you. I wanted to be sure to really tie in the baptism without focusing too much on the actual ritual.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I wanted to show all of those losses, and how they have just compounded on top of each other. Water truly does have the power to heal and to hurt.
ReplyDeleteThank you! What a compliment to say you were sad when it ended. I think there is a longer story in there.
ReplyDeletePurposefully is definitely a better word choice, thank you!
ReplyDeleteI have a hard time with fictional names, so thank you again! I try to find names that "fit" without bringing too many personal images and memories from people I know, and that is hard for me for some odd reason.
Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteThank you! The 600 word limit was both limiting and freeing. I had to go through and really tighten up what I included, used detail with, etc. so I am glad you feel that added something to the piece!
ReplyDeleteI definitely think there's more here, so thank you for saying that! I plan on working with it a little at a time, so I will let you know if it begins to shape into something :)
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm glad it was accessible, even though it is a sad piece!
ReplyDeleteThank you! Miscarriage is something that affects everyone involved, and it's one of those things where there's no way to predict how people will react until they're in the situation :(
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm glad that she has her brother, too!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I am drawn to either sad or hilariously funny pieces when I read. I guess I'm an emotions junkie.
ReplyDeleteThank you! That means a lot.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. I wanted it to be emotional without being contrived, so your words make me feel as though I may have done that!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I would like to expand it to a longer piece at some point, but I'm sure it will take me a while!
ReplyDeleteThank you! It was such a touchy situation for the characters that there were a lot of emotions both in the memories and the present.
ReplyDeleteI will try to tighten that up a little.
ReplyDeleteI included the SIL, because I wanted to show, in some way how isolating a miscarriage can be, and how it can be hard for people not affected to truly understand. I will have to decide if that idea is worth fleshing out if I do expand the piece into a short story.
Thank you! I am drawn to emotional pieces, too (both happy and sad), so I guess it's not surprising that I end up writing that way, too :)
ReplyDeleteI just want to hug her. It's funny how characters can become real like that!
ReplyDeleteWell deserved ,,,, I wish I could write like you do. WOW
ReplyDelete"If you have only one smile in you
give it to the people you love. "
Maya Angelou
Kirsten Anne Piccini
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What is Real?
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." - from the Velveteen Rabbit by M Williams
This was powerful. I especially enjoyed the way you opened the scene.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Are you Catholic? It's such an automatic gesture that I don't always really think about what it signifies.
ReplyDelete