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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Neanderthal Not Included

Furnish Your Man Cave* Today!

iPhone 4 - $300

     Black, less than one-month old, near new condition

     Item will be available for pick-up after text messages and inappropriate photos
     are downloaded to establish a pattern of lying, misdirection, poor taste, and
     less-than-stellar fitness habits.

La-Z-Boy Recliner – FREE!

     Faded mocha-colored microfiber, used

     Perfect for use in a garage or a basement, especially for a pet. Previously used
     by an oversized dog, figuratively speaking.

Neon Signs (Pabst Blue Ribbon, Coors Light, and Budweiser) - $150 each or $350 for set

     Bright, somewhat tacky, near new condition

     Ideal gift for someone living in a dorm room, fraternity house, or an alternate
     reality where life resembles a Will Ferrell movie.

Poker Table - $150

     Seats eight with cheap beer cup holders, green felt, professional quality, gently
     used

     Regular poker players – do you have a poker-playing friend who never seems to
     lose?
     Purchase this table and deliver it to his or her home! I can attest that the
     owner of this table will lose his/her money quickly and consistently, no matter
     the skill or intoxication level of the other players at the table.


Price on all items negotiable

Photos available upon request

*Neanderthal not included

This fictional post is brought to you by the weekly writing prompt at the awesomeness that is The Red Dress Club.  It was inspired by my general annoyance at the insipid whinings of the husbands on HGTV who need a "man cave" more than something like an updated kitchen or a front door.


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15 comments:

  1. CherylFebruary 24, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    Hee! How fun is THIS?

    I am so relieved the Neanderthal is not included. Although you might be able to give on away.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AshFebruary 25, 2011 at 9:23 AM

    Awesome. "Man Cave" - ridiculousness on the highest level.

    Until I get a room dedicated to gift wrapping, I'll refrain from purchasing any of your delightful items. The neon signs are tempting though.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Amy GrewFebruary 25, 2011 at 10:36 AM

    I don't understand the Man Cave theory... What room do I get or have?

    Great post!

    Thanks fro commenting on my Blog too!

    ReplyDelete
  4. mandylandFebruary 25, 2011 at 10:00 PM

    Loved the bit about Will Ferrell. Totally cracked me up. Also? The footnote. Thanks for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  5. SherriFebruary 25, 2011 at 11:05 PM

    This is my favorite line:
    or an alternate reality where life resembles a Will Ferrell movie.

    Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Uncle JohnFebruary 25, 2011 at 11:44 PM

    A new microwave and 42 qt cooler = updated Kitchen

    ReplyDelete
  7. Mrs. Jen BFebruary 26, 2011 at 8:38 AM

    Oh, you should see how my husband drools over those commercials. Although I kinda wish he had one...then I could have the den to myself...siiiiigh....

    LOL @ Will Ferrell movie - so true!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Tiaras-and-trucksFebruary 26, 2011 at 10:07 PM

    My husband claims the rest of the house is a "woman cave". (To clarify, there isn't a man cave in our house. It would have to be on the back patio.)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Tiaras-and-trucksFebruary 26, 2011 at 10:07 PM

    Hee, hee. Every good man cave needs one of those poker tables, right?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tiaras-and-trucksFebruary 26, 2011 at 10:07 PM

    I was picturing Old School as I was writing some of this post, LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Tiaras-and-trucksFebruary 26, 2011 at 10:07 PM

    I would have a recliner! But it would be one of those massage chairs attached to a pedicure spa ;)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Tiaras-and-trucksFebruary 26, 2011 at 10:07 PM

    Thank you! There were so many great ones this week! I have been terrible about writing lately, and I promised I would jump in, but I was worried about the funny.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Tiaras-and-trucksFebruary 26, 2011 at 10:10 PM

    Thank you! I firmly support alternate realities, but not Will Ferrell-movie inspired ones ;)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Tiaras-and-trucksFebruary 26, 2011 at 10:10 PM

    Ha, ha. What about a new lawn chair? :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Tiaras-and-trucksFebruary 26, 2011 at 10:12 PM

    Hence the "free" cost of the chair ;)

    ReplyDelete